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Breathe Again: Tsukiyama Shuu x Reader (Part 2)

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WARNING! MANGA SPOILERS!  Takes place after Tokyo Ghoul Chapter 143.

Warning also for mentions of ghoul activities.

Tsukiyama Shuu x Human!Reader

Part 2

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Sometimes, you wondered how your life ended up like this.

You had been attending university as usual, but now you actually had company to return to at home.  It wasn’t like you had to pay extra for groceries to house them.  The only thing you had bought in excess lately was some coffee.

Tsukiyama hadn’t left the bed since Nishiki had placed him there three weeks ago.  You had been trying to communicate with him, murmuring to him softly and reading next to him.  You had tried multiple things to enable a response, but to no avail.  Reading, humming, nothing would work.  But still you kept at it.  Sometimes when you talked, you wished that Tsukiyama would get annoyed enough that he’d respond.  Nothing.

Nishiki didn’t always stay at the apartment, but it seemed like it was his home base.  Sometimes he’d leave for a few days, and you’d always wonder where he went.  Your house now smelled like coffee because of him.  

You weren’t going to lie; it was nice to have some company despite the situation.  

Sometimes Nishiki would help you with your homework if he were around.  He’d make a fuss about it, but in the end you would sit together for a few hours into the night, him looking over your notes as you scribbled. Begrudgingly, you had to admit the kid was really smart despite the fact that he was two years younger than you.

Your main worry was Shuu.  You had tried everything.  At first you thought consistent company would help him.  You’d often wake up with your cheek stuck on the bed, back bent over from sitting on the chair next to it.  

And yet, Tsukiyama ceased to move or respond.  All you could hear was the slow, steady pace of his breathing.  Sometimes you’d find him with his eyes glazed over, staring at the ceiling.  Other times, his eyes would be closed in sleep.  You noticed he slept most of the day.  You guessed it was because his body was trying to conserve any energy it might have had left.  You were amazed at how long he had gone without anything.  And no matter how much time you spent with him, he’d never look at you.

Nishiki had told you not to give him any coffee, and you had listened.  You were curious, but you hadn’t asked why.  You still didn’t even know what had brought Tsukiyama so low.  And despite the question being at the forefront of your brain for the past few weeks, you hadn’t asked Nishiki.  You weren’t sure it was okay to ask.

Anytime Nishiki was home, you’d sometimes see him take a cup of black coffee into the bedroom.   You’d pause over your university notes, staring at the door.  He wouldn’t come out for a while.  

Sometimes, the mug was empty, and a tinge of relief would make itself known on your features.  It meant that somehow, Nishiki had convinced Shuu to do something other than waste away.

Other times, your heart would sink when Nishiki came out with an impatient frown on his face, the mug still full and steaming.  Those nights you’d spend wide-eyed as you watched the stars from the cot next to your balcony doors, worrying about Shuu’s limbs atrophying.  

It was like taking care of a corpse that didn’t decay.  You tried to stay positive, hoping that maybe, slowly, things would get better.  You did love him, after all.

Once you had asked Nishiki why he watched Tsukiyama when he obviously held distaste for the man.  His answer had been unfairly cryptic:

“I’m doing it for a friend.”

You had only raised an eyebrow in question, but sighed when he wouldn’t offer any other information.  And so the schedule went so:

On most days, you’d have university in the morning.  You’d come back and fix lunch for yourself.  Sometimes, you would find coffee cups in the sink; meaning Nishiki had stopped by while you were away.  Then you’d stay with Shuu for a few hours, reading to him or by yourself, watching his chest rise and fall whether he was awake or asleep.

Afternoon would come.  If you didn’t have to go to the university again, you’d fix dinner.  If Nishiki were there, you’d fix him more coffee.  Then it was time for schoolwork.  You’d check on Tsukiyama again, and then go to bed in your little cot by the balcony doors.  If Nishiki stayed the night, he’d sleep on the couch.

This went on for several weeks.  

Winter arrived, and one morning you woke up to see snowflakes fluttering down.

Today was different.

Nishiki arrived later in the afternoon; just when the sun was setting and a small amount of snow had made itself present on the ground outside.  

You were feeling pretty cheerful, since you loved winter.  It meant colorful sweaters and scarves, pumpkin spice and cinnamon, and the holiday season.  

You had just finished fixing up dinner when Nishiki arrived, dusting snow off of the top of his head.  You giggled a little, receiving a glare.

“What’re you laughing at, (Name)?”

“Sorry.” You replied, smiling.  

You started to make some coffee, also watching as Nishiki took off his coat and put it on the rack next to the door.  He had already taken off his shoes, and you almost giggled again at his fuzzy socks.

Your smile turned into a curious expression as you saw Nishiki reach into the inner pockets of his coat, retrieving a small package wrapped in paper with a wax cord.

“What’s that?” you asked, letting the coffee machine do its job.

Nishiki stiffened, glancing at the package and then to you.

You stared back, your heart jumping a little from his reaction.  What was wrong?

“It’s…”

He sighed uncomfortably, looking off in another direction.  Anywhere but you.

Suddenly, you had a sinking feeling in your gut.  You suddenly remembered why packages like that seemed familiar.  

You often got them from the butcher when you went to buy meat.  

And you knew that Nishiki didn’t eat the meat of any butcher store in town.  Which meant-

“It’s human, isn’t it?” you asked softly, your eyes widening in a sense of horror.  You knew you were housing ghouls and what they ate, but this was the first time you had seen Nishiki bring anything in the house that related to this.

That was some human’s flesh in there, maybe even sliced up like beef.

If you didn’t know Nishiki so well, you might’ve thrown up.

Nishiki gripped the package, slowly nodding.  As if he moved any faster, you’d run like a scared rabbit.

“Yes.”

You closed your eyes, taking in a deep breath.  This was your friend Nishiki.  This was how the world was.  The world was cruel.  People needed to eat to survive.  You were in love with a ghoul.  Nishiki was your friend.  Everything would be okay.

You let out your breath, squaring your shoulders.  Your eyes opened and you asked Nishiki nonchalantly, “Why’d you bring it here?”

Surprised that you weren’t screaming, Nishiki fumbled for words for a moment.

“I-uh, I hadn’t planned for you to see this, but.” He sighed, ruffling a hand through his hair, “Damn, this is so troublesome!”

“Nishiki, just tell me.”

Nishiki’s face became serious.  “I think I need to try feeding Tsukiyama some meat, (Name).  He’s not going to last long on what he’s been taking.  I was hoping I could find a way to convince him to eat.  Or shove it down his throat, either way.” He said, the last sentence muttered under his breath.

You blinked in surprise.  The meat was for Tsukiyama.  Suddenly it made sense, seeing as it wasn’t like Tsukiyama was able to get sustenance for himself.

Suddenly, dinner didn’t seem to matter.  

“How do we do it?” you asked, crossing your arms as you glanced over to the other side of the room, at the door to the bedroom.

Nishiki shook his head, “ You are not doing anything. I can’t have you in there.  If his appetite suddenly comes back, he might not know what he’s doing and try to attack you.”

At this blunt statement, you repressed a shudder.  But this was Shuu, your friend.  Hadn’t you been close friends?

Maybe it was all a lie…

Unsettled by the sudden thought, you let Nishiki move forward towards the bedroom.  You followed behind, but sat on the couch while he continued.

Before he went in, he turned to you, “If something happens and you hear noises, or me shouting, get out of here.”

Your eyes widening, you could only nod as Nishiki opened and abruptly closed the door behind him.

Faintly, you could hear him talking to Tsukiyama on the other side of the door.  Today, he sounded even more angry than usual.  You could only pick out so many words.

Eat, disappointed, Kaneki, waste, gourmet, these were some of the words that you could make out as Nishiki let it out on Tsukiyama.  

You cringed when Nishiki finally opened the door, slamming it behind him as he sat angrily on the couch next to you.  “You’re one of the most notorious ghouls in the city, right?  Act like it!” he had snarled on his way out.

In his hands he held the package, which was still tied.  You eyed it warily, watching as he placed it carefully on the coffee table in front of you.

Slowly, you raised your head to look at him, his brows furrowed.

“Who is Kaneki?” you asked softly.

He jerked his head to look at you, his eyes wide.  “How do you know that name?”

“I heard it.” You answered honestly, shrugging, “You were pretty loud in there.”

Nishiki sighed exasperated, rubbing his face with his hands.  After a while, it seemed that he calmed down, and his shoulders slumped.

You watched as he turned to face you, a morose expression on his face.

“If I tell you about Kaneki, will you promise not to say a word to anyone?”

You nodded quickly, excited that finally you would know more about Shuu.  The real Shuu.  

The one who probably only pretended to be your friend.  

You tried to ignore the thoughts inside your head, focusing on Nishiki as he adjusted his glasses.

“Kaneki was a friend.  Tsukiyama was really obsessed with him.”

This surprised you.   Tsukiyama had feelings for someone?

Your shoulders unconsciously slumped.  “Where he and Kaneki close?”

Nishiki scoffed, “He was a part of our group, but Kaneki didn’t trust him.  Tsukiyama had tried to kill him before.”  At your shocked expression, Nishiki wagged a finger at you.

“Come on, (Name).  We’re ghouls.  We’re all messed up.  You should know this by now.  Kaneki was special.  He was a half ghoul, and Tsukiyama wanted to eat him.”  At this Nishiki stopped, looking down into his lap.  You tried to gauge his expression.  It seemed like he was remembering something he wished he could forget, and for a moment his face seemed heartbroken.

“Nishiki…what did Shuu-san do?” You asked, putting a hand on his shoulder.

Nishiki inhaled, “Let’s just say he kidnapped a friend of mine, in order to bait Kaneki.  You have to realize, (Name).  Tsukiyama isn’t a good guy.  He later allied with Kaneki after he tried to kill him, but none of us ever trusted him.  He’s the ghoul you may know as The Gourmet.”

The Gourmet.

Oh God.

The Gourmet was one of the 20th ward’s most terrifying ghoul cases.  Of course you knew of The Gourmet.  It was ghouls like him and the Binge Eater that kept people paranoid on the streets, watching over their shoulders as they walked home at night.

And he was in your home.

You tried to comprehend this, to put two and two together.  You saw your memories of him at university, and how both of you had been friends.  How could that kind of person be the one and the same?

Your feelings for him felt even bitterer, knowing that you loved someone who had done really bad things.  Where was this Kaneki?

“And Kaneki?  Where is he now?” you asked.

Sadness came over Nishiki.  “We don’t know.  The reason why Tsukiyama’s in this state- it’s because Kaneki refused to stay and run from the CCG and Aogiri Tree.  You know about them, right?”

“Are you telling me that the whole mess in the city is the fight that Kaneki was involved in?” you asked incredulously, “Well no wonder Tsukiyama didn’t want him to go.” You murmured to yourself.  

The apartment was silent for a moment, your dinner getting cold on the island in the kitchen.

“I don’t think he survived.” Nishiki said quietly, the sentence piercing the silence.

Suddenly, the dry tear tracks you had first seen on Tsukiyama’s face made sense.  If Tsukiyama had been so obsessed with Kaneki as Nishiki had claimed, the idea that this Kaneki was dead would be enough to psychologically traumatize him.  It was crazy, but made sense in the way that you figured Tsukiyama acted.

With sudden resolve you stood up, leaving the package of meat on the table as you swiftly turned towards the bedroom door.

“(NAME)!  What are you doing?!”

“I’m going to try to fix this.”  You responded, swiftly entering the bedroom door and locking it.  You knew that it wouldn’t hinder Nishiki for long, but it at least gave you some time.

You approached Shuu’s figure on the bed.  

“Shuu-san.”

Nothing, as usual.

Suddenly frustrated, you tried to hold back the angry tears that had welled up in your eyes.

“Listen here, Shuu-san.” You started, your voice calm but firm.  “I am really tired of you wasting away here.  This is not how you were meant to die.  You have a lot of things to do in your life, and wasting away young is not one of them!”  Your words had slowly gotten louder as you continued, your feelings leaking into them.  

You noticed that his eyes were open, but his gaze was kept fixed on the ceiling.

“I feel like hitting you with the package of meat would be great, but I’m not going to do it.” You said, huffing. “Nishiki won’t let me come in with it.”

Crossing your arms, you sighed and looked up at the ceiling.

The room was silent, and you were surprised Nishiki hadn’t barged in to take you out of the room by now.  Maybe it was because you hadn’t come in with the package.

“You know, Kaneki-kun would have wanted you to live on, right?” you said, not lowering your gaze from the ceiling. “At least, that’s what I think.  I didn’t have the pleasure of meeting him.”

You didn’t hear anything, so of course you kept going.

“Listen, I know it’s hard.  I’ve been there.  I’ve had my heart hurt.  And I know that it feels like the world isn’t worth waking up to.  That what is lost means that there is no point to enjoying life.  But you have to remember how it was before this happened to you.  You have to justify Kaneki-kun’s life by remembering those memories you have of him fondly.  If he was important to you, you have to remember what he would have wanted you to do. If he left, it was because he wanted to protect you.  Don’t let yourself go and do the CCG’s job for them.  It means that what Kaneki sacrificed was nothing. It’s not only unfair to him, but also unfair to you.  Things always get better, and I know that Nishiki’s probably already told you this and you’ve heard it enough, but I care enough to say it again.”

You sighed, closing your eyes.

When you opened them, you glanced at Tsukiyama and gasped in shock.

His eyes, while still glazed, were on you.  

Relief welled up inside your chest, and your traitorous heart thumped erratically in happiness as tears ran unburdened down your cheeks.

“Shuu-san!”

You lowered yourself and kneeled next to the bed, gazing at him.

“I know that you’re The Gourmet.  But I also know that, even if our friendship wasn’t real, it was important to me.  I don’t want you to die.  Please eat something.”

His eyes still stayed on you, and you offered a teary smile.  You just wanted to lean forward and press a kiss on his forehead, but you stopped yourself.

Instead, you pushed away a few strands of his hair on his forehead.

“You can do it.  I know you can.  You’re strong, ne?” you murmured to him, standing up.  Slowly, you went to the door and unlocked it.  Turning to look over at Tsukiyama, you smiled again before saying, “I’ll be back later.”

While Tsukiyama did not say anything, his gaze never left you until you shut the door behind you.

Nishiki was standing in the kitchen, his arms crossed as you closed the door.

When you turned, he was greeted with a smile and drying tear tracks on your cheeks.

His eyes widened, and your smile grew.

“Try again, please.” You asked, gesturing to the package on the table.

Stunned at your smile, Nishiki went forward without a sound and took the package inside Tsukiyama’s room.

You went and sat at the island in your kitchen, deciding to eat even though the food had cooled.

You heard nothing from the bedroom.

It was only an hour later when Nishiki finally emerged.  You watched him from the couch, blankets wrapped around you as he turned to face you.

You had rarely seen Nishiki smile, but the curve of his lips lifted your heart as your gaze slowly travelled to the empty package wrapping in his hands.

Nishiki’s eyes met yours, and he smirked when your eyes lit up in delight.

There was hope for Tsukiyama Shuu yet.
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Animecospay's avatar
When will part 3 be out?